> 100 nutty ways to order a pizza > > 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the > person taking the order to stop doing that. > > 3. Use CB lingo where applicable. > > 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. > > 5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." > 7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up. > 9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition > and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful. > > 10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED > COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE. > > 11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time. > > 12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's > "Master of Puppets" CD. > 14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." > 15. Stutter on the letter "p." > > 17. Ask what the order taker is wearing. > 19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they > called you. > > 20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you > would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented. > 24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows > from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. > > 25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' > Camp, right?" > > 26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap > yourself and say "No, I don't." > > 27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. > That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window." > > 30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a > sigh of relief. > > 31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" > sound. > > 32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred." > > 33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say > "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they > finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to > cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?" > > 34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. > When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream > goodbye at the top of your lungs. > > 35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead. > > 36. Imitate the order taker's voice. > > 37. Eliminate verbs from your speech. > > 38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now." > 39. Play a sitar in the background. > > 40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid > behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can > surprise him/her. > > 42. Ask to see a menu. > > 43. Quote Carl Sandberg. > > 44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back. > > 45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza. > 48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza. > > 49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, > Gaston!" > > 52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again. > > 53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting." > 55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk > and didn't mean it. > > 56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's > fired. > 58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary > in Tinsel Town." > > 59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time. > > 60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be > swayed by your sweet words." > 63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . > . action!" > > 64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown. > > 66. Be vague in your order. > > 67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH > this time." > > 68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the >order. > > 69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." > Simulate a cutoff. > > 70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may > be my last entry." > > 71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going > to get. > > 72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a > description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza. > > 75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza. > 77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade. > 80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent > orders. > > 81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, > say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'." > > 82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you > say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to > respond. > 85. Haggle. > 88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, > won't we?" > > 89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable. > > 90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza. > 93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If > he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word." > > 94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the > background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired. > > 95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you. > 97. Order a steamed pizza. > > 98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is > your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up. > > 99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging. > > 100. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker say, > in your best pouty voice, "The last guy let me do it." >* Courtesy of: 'Here Comes Treble' *