> 
> Here's a good-sized list of the Deep Thoughts on SNL.  All of the following
> are the exact quotes.  Enjoy!  :-)
> 
> 
> 
> Deep Thoughts
> -------------
> 
> Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why 
> several of us died of tuberculosis.
> 
> Mabye in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: 
>"Mankind." Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind."
>What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
> 
> I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't
>just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good 
>ideas.
> 
> It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
> 
> I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him,
>and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said,"I Helped Skin Bob."
> 
> I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is 
>they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, 
>when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
> 
> The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
> 
> Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite 
>and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant
>teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
> 
> I'd rather be rich than stupid.
> 
> If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors 
>came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a
>good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
> 
> If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger,
>screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr Brave man, I
>guess I'm a coward.
> 
> I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture,
>is the story of Popeye.
> 
> When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they
>ever press charges.
> 
> To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, 
>and the dancers hit each other.
> 
> What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a
>solid gold baby? Mabye we'll never know.
> 
> We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them
>personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
> 
> Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of
>striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
> 
> I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was
>free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending like
>he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
> 
> *Also*, here are some I remember but don't have the exact text for. These
are my guesses:
> 
> To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I guess it goes
>back to the time we went to the circus and a clown killed my Dad.
> 
> As I bit into the sweet, tangy nectarine, and tasted the juices running
>down my chin, I looked down, and realized that it wasn't a nectarine at all,
>but a HUMAN HEAD!
> 
> You know, some white coral, painted brown, and attached to the skull with
>some common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
> 
> If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
>We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
>